You’re Allowed To Schedule Self-Care
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It’s a summer Friday before a weekend that will likely include many of the following: BBQs, friend and family gatherings, pool time, beach time, birthday parties — all the things. It’s easy to take a look ahead at all you have to do, everything that needs to be planned for and managed and just resign yourself to taking gasps of self-care during the in-between moments, whenever it fits in. You’re overwhelmed, everyone is busy, you are responsible for your family, your kids, your pets, and, yourself.
This pattern makes sense. You are spent just trying to keep everyone afloat. And this pattern can work, for a time, until it doesn’t.
I’d like to offer up a suggestion that has worked for me as well as many of my friends, colleagues, and clients over the years.
Ready for it?
Here it is: Schedule Your Self-Care.
Like, put it in your calendar, mark off times, and spend them doing things that don’t serve any other purpose beyond doing something you enjoy, something you want to do at the time in that moment.
***Side note: my kiddo is 6 and has recently started asking, “Can I do whatever I want?” or “Can we go wherever I want?” It’s been very interesting to me because often I don’t know what it might be that she wants to do. Sometimes she has an idea but other times I’m coming to understand she just literally wants to know if she can have complete control to decide how she spends her time. It also makes me think about a time in my own personal growth about 10-ish years ago when I realized I could actually plan on time where I could, “do whatever the f*** I want!”
Back to the blog post…
So often we think about doing things differently and immediately jump to assuming that means we have to do the complete opposite of what we are used to doing. But this usually isn’t how behavior change works. Sure, we might swing in the other direction while we try to find a middle ground. But small steps of change are just as valid a path.
You might be reading this thinking, “yeah right, like I have time to add in one more thing.” Totally makes sense. But no one here is suggesting you drop everything you’ve been doing and book a solo vacation starting tomorrow (go for it if you want to, that actually sounds amazing!). See there’s a difference between making time for something you enjoy and dropping all of your plans and responsibilities to only do self-care.
That’s what I’d like to call the middle ground. Or even a baby step toward the middle ground.
I want to make sure you all hear me when I say that I’m not encouraging anyone to abandon things that are necessary and important and I’m not implying that everyone has enough energy and spoons to add in lengthy self-care activities with ease and lack of friction. I’m talking about the schedules that are so packed with things for everyone else but you. Weekends that you dread rather than get excited about. Entire seasons of life that are empty of times that feed you, your heart, or your soul.
Those are the situations where I want you nudge you into a bit of the discomfort of scheduling something for yourself. JUST for YOURself.
Not listening to an audio book you like while you do the dishes or going to an exercise class you don’t really like but you figure you should go do something at the gym or escaping to the bathroom during a social gathering to take a breather and have a sensory break.
These are things you do that you may enjoy or feel good about but this is not scheduled self-care JUST for YOU.
Before you think I’m talking about things that take a lot of time and cost a lot of money I want to stop you because that’s not what I’m about. Sure, those things can be nice every once in a while if they’re possible. But the kind of self-care I’m talking about doesn’t need to cost much or anything at all and it doesn’t even need to take up an entire afternoon.
I’m talking about blocking off an hour to read a book just for fun or letting yourself play with those new finds from the arts and crafts store or scheduling yourself a nap time or a walk or a swim. Letting yourself prioritize that slow yoga class you love but doesn’t “get your cardio in.” Planning time to make a favorite meal or treat not because you have to make dinner but as a special activity for YOURself.
Many of us helpers and healers of the neurodivergent variety forget to do these kinds of self-care. Not because we don’t want to but because we are so overwhelmed with life that adding anything else in feels impossible or even irresponsible. For those of us, scheduling self-care that is JUST for US might be the only way to make it happen. And I want you to hear me so very clearly: there is nothing wrong with that. You are allowed to schedule self-care. I know it might not feel like that’s ok, but trust me, it is.
How do I know it’s ok? Because I’ve been testing out this theory for at least 14 or 15 years now and I can definitively say that scheduling self-care isn’t only ok, it’s a very skillful strategy for our brains. Our brains that always think of others first, want to make things as efficient as possible, or deep down believe that doing something that is only for our own pleasure is selfish and shameful.
Self-care is important, yo! If you don’t believe me on that well, that’s for a different blog post.
But if something is important then it is allowed to be scheduled and planned around.
So I’m going to invite you now to get out your planner, calendar, scheduling app, etc.
Yes, get it out right now before you forget.
Look at the next week. When can you block off 30-60 minutes for you to do whatever you want?
You can’t?
No, no. You can. You’re allowed. And I’m even telling you to do it right now so it must be important.
Pick a time in the next week and mark it off right now.
It doesn’t need to be set in stone and you might not know exactly what you want to do in that time yet. That’s ok. But now you have something planned that you will see in your schedule and you can work around it. Or if you hear about something you want to attend JUST for YOUrself, you could use the time that way. — Maybe a creative expression workshop with other burnt out helpers and healers with yours truly? Just sayin ;-)
We go through life living by these rules that we were either explicitly taught or that we implicitly absorbed. A lot of these rules have to do with how we care for others and how we neglect and abandon ourselves. I want you to hear me today tell you one more time: You are allowed to prioritize your own self-care that is JUST for YOU. Not only are you allowed but I’ll go as far as to say you must. Your resilience and sustainability in this world as a helper or healer depend on it. So now is a great time to start or get back into the habit of scheduling your own care.
If you’re looking for some opportunities or inspiration you can check out our upcoming offerings at Kindness Corner Studio where we hold creative community safe space that is antiracist, LGBTQIA+ and Neuro affirming for helpers and healers dealing with or preventing burnout. Most of our offerings are virtual, pay what you can, and centered around a shared creative activity. I would love to have you join us sometime soon! You can check out our upcoming events here!
If you want a discount on an upcoming event you can join our email list here where you will get an exclusive discount code for 25% off your first event with us!
Until we connect and create again — keep your hands messy, your heart kind, and remember: you’ve already done enough.
💜 Rebel
