Can Structure Help Your Burnout?
As I’m putting the pieces of my life back together post-divorce I’ve been thinking a lot about structure.
What do I want the structure of my life to look like?
What structures do I need to help me move through life in a way that is intentional?
This kind of life evaluation is overwhelming! And very necessary to live a life with intension.
For multiply neurodivergent brains this can be really tricky. The desire and need for novelty directly bumps up against my need for clear purposeful structure. Every time I start to identify a structure that I want to try out, some parts of me are immediately resistant. Thoughts of “but what if we don’t want to do that on Tuesday??” and “what happens if you can’t use the communal washing machine that night?” and “what’s the point of making these checklists when you know you won’t stick to them?”
In defense of my planning parts, I might stick to these plans and checklists! It’s a struggle to keep with an implemented and scheduled routine. I can clearly see how some things would be easier and simpler if I could just follow a pre-determined outline of my days but there is so much internal resistance.
Enter self-compassion, which is playing a big part in my unmasking journey these days. In attempting to be kind and empathetic to these parts that resist structure I am slowly starting to move past the pure frustration and irritation with myself and get closer to viewing them as children that don’t want change or don’t want to be told what to do. I can start to consider, “oh, you don’t want to be boxed in and you don’t want to fail at something new.” Then I can start to explore some shifts that might be more palatable and more similar to baby steps. And these feel WAY more doable!
Something appealing about having external structures is that I can just turn off my decision-making brain and focus on what I’m doing in the moment. This decision fatigue is real and for those of us prone to overthinking, it can get to be debilitating. “What should I do now? Well I can’t do task A because before I do that I have to do tasks X, Y, and Z so that it will be done most efficiently. So should I try to do task D? But I can’t until I do tasks B and C and I don’t have the energy for those right now…etc.” Cut to me standing in my kitchen frozen for many minutes at a time trying to figure out what to do. Anf external structure/routine would take a lot of this strife away.
So I’m trying small things like deciding ahead of time which chore to do at the end of the day or engaging in activities that are calming and also have a clear structure with limited decision making. Coloring is a tried and true one, all I have to decide is which color marker to pick up, the rest is done for me! Another that has been novel and straightforward is cross stitch. You know those little hoops with the fabric that have tiny squares in them? I’ve been so surprised at how following a simple pattern with little X stitches has been so enjoyable for me, someone who usually likes a lot of freedom in creative expression. But the truth is, when I have too many decisions to make all day it’s nice to unwind with something expressive that is also not requiring lots of thought.
This is why I’m excited to share cross stitch with others this month in our virtual Burnout Care & Creativity Workshop for Helpers & Healers! I want to help you engage in creative expression and shared community in a way that is accessible, semi-structured, and not mentally taxing. These workshops are very near and dear to my heart as they are things that I searched for myself but couldn’t find, so I created them to share with any other helping/healing folx who need some TLC. I really love putting together your materials in little care packages and sending them out into the world. I see this as a form of care I can offer you. All that’s required is opening it up when we meet and you’ll have nearly everything you need, minimal thinking or prepping required. We all need some time to turn off those decisions that need to be made and just let ourselves be, and hopefully unwind creatively in community.
If you feel called to join us this month or any other month in the future, check out our events page and/or sign up for our email list to be the first to know about upcoming offerings.
We will be gathering virtually on Monday, August 25, 2025 from 6:30pm-9pm ET.
Good luck with the balancing act of structure vs. free choice in your life and let me know what’s going well, I’d love some tips! You can comment below 🙂
Take good care of yourself and I hope I get to connect & create with you soon!
💜 Jennifer
